You’ve been kidnapped and given a choice: would you rather be stranded on an island, dropped into an unknown forest, or locked in a strange building?
I’ve no idea in what circumstances anybody might consider me as a potential kidnap victim – certainly it wouldn’t be for profit and the only other reasons I could imagine generally form part of the plot of an episode of Criminal Minds – doesn’t bear thinking about. I also wonder, what sort of kidnapper would be so incompetent as to transport their hostage to an island, or an unknown forest? Either an amateur or a professional who has not maintained his or her core competencies. Sloppiness is one of my bugbears. I would probably find myself berating the fool for being so stupid and demanding that they revise their plan to make it more efficient and effective. Heaven help the person who Shanghai’s me if they use poor penmanship, bad grammar or spell anything incorrectly in the ransom note. Woe betide anybody who attempts such an enterprise without first developing a business plan, with cost projections, flow charts, a realistic budget and a proper communications schedule.
Given the above, I guess my preference would be to be locked in the strange building with my abductor, together with a desk, a chair,a flipchart, some coloured magic markers, and plenty of time to lecture on the most appropriate behaviour and course of action for a proper kidnapper. We would also need a good project management program, failing that, at least a decent spread sheet.
Given that I would want to survive the experience, there would of course be some focus on obtaining the highest ransom without any harm falling on the abductee. There may be mandatory viewing of Ruthless People on the curriculum, and I would certainly insist that the Iliad be read from top to bottom, and a 2,000 word, properly annotated essay on the issues arising from taking a woman from her home, either willingly or unwillingly, will be required. While incarcerated in the strange building, I would expect my captor to have detailed knowledge of its layout and background. Failure to relate the full history of the building and the reasons for it being strange will result in a Fail for the complete course.
NB: All readers, please pay attention to the message in the picture.